Avoid drama with the other women in his life

YOU may not be one of those women who have to contend with your partner being unfaithful, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t have to deal with a few other women in your man’s life — and some of them can cause you much grief.

His mother, daughter, child’s mother, sister, and even his best female friend can engage you in squabbles that can tempt you to make or want to make a hurried exit from the relationship, as the women below shared. So how do you manage?

There are ways to settle disputes without ending your relationship with Mr Right. Counsellor Violet Brown shared her expert opinion on how to amicably solve issues with your partner’s mother, sister, daughter, female colleague and former partner.

HIS MOTHER

Melissa S, 30:

My former mother-in-law was just too much. She inserted herself into any and everything. She always wanted to demand that I do whatever she said. We argued often because I refused to let her control our lives. But my ex never stood up to her so she would continue to try and run our relationship. I was tired of talking and arguing with her, and trying to get him to talk to her about her meddling, so I broke off the relationship.

Solution:

Some mothers are very controlling. It is not because the daughter-in-law is incompetent, but because they have been controlling their son throughout his life, they do not know how or when to let him go. You could sit quietly with your partner and work out a coping strategy – for example, invite her to go shopping with you or accept some of her suggestions.

HIS SISTER

Abigail T, 45:

In the beginning of the marriage, we lived with my husband’s family. We moved when I was pregnant with our first child. Our new place was close to them, within walking distance. His sister would come over every day with her two young children to cook and do other things. It was costly, but I was most annoyed with the lack of privacy in my own place. I told my husband that it could not work. He spoke to his sister about it and she was very upset. She stopped talking to me, but would still come over. I threatened to leave my husband, and that is how I finally got him to agree to move further away from them.

Solution:

The relationship between you and your partner’s sister may start out great, but as time goes by she can get between you both, maybe owing to jealousy. Find some time to speak with her about the change in her behaviour. Perhaps you can both come to a mutual agreement on what she can and cannot get involved in.

HIS WORKMATE

Shari M, 35:

There was a colleague at the place that my boyfriend used to work. This girl would even try to flirt with him in front me. She even called late at night and we had loud arguments. This caused tension between my partner and me. We got rid of her when he got a new job.

Solution:

If you think the relationship between your partner and his female colleague is too close, talk to your partner. Sit down and express how you feel about their closeness, and be very clear about boundaries.

HIS DAUGHTER

Shontay P, 37:

My step-daughter is eight and obviously hates me. Whenever we are together she hardly speaks to me, and when she does she is disrespectful. I think in her mind I took her dad away from her mother and her. But they broke up before we met.

Solution:

Being a stepmother can be difficult. This can get worse when you and your partner have other children together. To avoid resentment from the stepchild, treat all children equally. If the child continues to misbehave, you can consider getting professional counselling for him/her.

HIS EX-PARTNER

Natasha W, 38:

My husband’s ex is an ever-present factor in our lives – she sends him love songs, love notes, sends messages to him via his family members about how much she misses him, and stalks him on social media. We have been married less than a year, and I suppose she imagines that they still have a chance. No matter what I say, he asks me to leave her be, as he says she needs time to heal. But I think that’s disrespectful.

Solution:

Knowing that your partner is still in contact with his ex is not the best news. You will be tempted to tell him to cut off all communication, but sometimes a child is involved. If you think they are communicating too much, or you are suspicious of long phone conversations, discuss it with your partner.