How your mental health issues affect everyday relationships
MENTAL illness has been frowned upon since time immemorial. For the most part it is considered a condition to be ashamed of and something to be kept in the closet. This explains why some people may not readily identify with a mental condition that is affecting them, especially if they are able to live a ‘normal’ life otherwise.
But if you’re always sad, become easily irritated, show a shift in personality or moods moving from extremely calm to extremely violent, have no interest in sex, or seem not to care about how you conduct your everyday relationships, you need help.
According to Ivret Williams, counselling psychologist, any mental problem will affect a relationship based on the fact that the other partner may not have known about it, or the situation may be too much for one person to handle.
“The person may try to be calm or say to themselves, let me see how well I can deal with it, but after a while they may tap out and say they can’t manage it. Frustration is something that will result and it can be described as a non-met need. It’s not what they signed up for.
“People will enter relationships [pretending] that all is well. You don’t show the other person everything. You won’t say ‘I get depressed easily’. If you want to get married and have a family, you are not going to show that side of you, because you want to keep your partner’s interest,” she said.
But when two people become firmly established in a relationship and let their guard down, these issues will flare up and cause feelings of dismay and frustration in the other partner.
“At this point some may see how best they can help, while others may not be able to put up with it, and leave,” Williams said.
Psychiatrist Dr Roger Roberts said chronic stress can result from these relationships, as well as associated high levels of depression and anxiety disorder. He added that significant stress plays a major role in the onset and relapse of many mental disorders.
The psychiatrist maintained that stress, particularly chronic stress, negatively affects the body and the mind, so it is important for everyone to learn how to manage stress.
“If one is unable to manage, he or she should seek help from a counsellor/therapist who will likely be able to help. Managing stress may lead to a healthier, happier and perhaps a longer life.”
Below are some behaviours which may indicate that a partner is stressed or has an underlying mental illness for which they need to seek professional attention.
1. Erratic mood swings
This could be a sign of bipolar disorder. An early warning sign would be a specific behaviour that is different from the usual behaviour — subtle, yet easy to recognise. Symptoms may include hypomania (a mild form of mania, marked by elation and hyperactivity), manic and major depression. These may be characterised by inflated self-esteem or grandiosity, decreased need for sleep — for example, feeling rested after only three hours of sleep, being more talkative than usual, or feeling pressure to keep talking, a subjective experience that thoughts are racing, distractibility, increase in goal-directed activity, and excessive involvement in activities that have a high potential for painful consequences.
2. They show signs of a depressed mood
A depressed mood may include sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, tearfulness, markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities for most of the day, significant weight loss when not dieting, or weight gain. There may also be insomnia or hypersomnia (excessive sleepiness) nearly every day; psychomotor agitation (unintentional and purposeless motions) or retardation nearly every day; fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day; feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt; diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness nearly every day; recurrent thoughts of death; recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan; a suicide attempt, or a specific plan for committing suicide.
3. Low sex drive and reproductive problems
Dr Roberts said one may lose his or her sex drive when stressed, but acute stress in men may cause an increase in testosterone, which leads to an increased sex drive. He pointed out that chronic stress may lead to low sperm count and erectile dysfunction, while women may experience reproductive health problems when exposed to chronic stress, including amenorrhoea (absence of menstruation), irregular menses, and painful periods.
4. Alcohol has become a crutch for happiness
A partner who has turned to alcohol to cope with difficulty or to feel happy might have more serious issues dealing with.
If you have a mental illness or suspect that your partner has one, the best thing to do, according to Williams, is to see a mental health professional or a counsellor.
“Sometimes stresses in life can take a toll on us, and something may have caused you to hit the roof. It could mean that you need to learn how to cope better, or you need to be on medication. Don’t be afraid. See a professional,” she urged.
