Signs your partner is manipulative

PEOPLE in love tend to ignore warning signs that things are going downhill or that they are being taken advantage of. Many of us suppress the notion that the person we love would hurt us physically, emotionally and mentally, but sadly, it happens every day.

How do you identify when it’s happening to you? Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell offers these tips:

He/she calls you names such as “stupid”, “bitch” or “worthless pig”

Your partner wants you to feel low; they are slowly draining your self-esteem and they know it is only a matter of time before you start believing what they are saying. This is not only manipulative but disrespectful.

He/she constantly puts you down

Regardless of where you are, in public or private, your partner insults you and preys on your insecurities, even though they may pass it off as a joke.

Your partner is insanely jealous of your friends, family, or co-workers

You don’t have a social life because basically you are not allowed to have one. Your partner makes you feel guilty if you hang out or want to hang out with friends. They want you to be at home, sometimes all alone, even while they are out with their friends.

He/she controls your appearance

It’s one of two things — your partner will body-shame you, making you feel so bad about yourself that you want to resort to unhealthy means to alter your body, and/or they get angry if you do not wear your clothes, your hair or jewellery the way that they like.

He/she controls your every move

Your partner checks up on you by calling, driving by, or getting someone else “to keep an eye on you” if they can’t be there physically. If you don’t pick up the phone or wish to share where you are, or don’t give them precise details of your location, what you were doing and why you needed to be there, then they make you feel like a cheater and a liar.

He/she blames you for their problems, bad moods or problems in the relationship

No matter what the real problem is, he/she always blames you for being the source of their misery. If there is a relationship issue, they always find a way to skew it so that it feels like your fault and they will insist that you accept that you are the problem.

He/she twists your words

Your spouse takes your words and rephrases them in a way that you did not intend, so they can have something to fight or belittle you about.

Your spouse puts you in time out

Around him/her you feel like a child — you constantly have to be walking on eggshells out of fear that they will punish you. The same happens if you call them out on any wrongdoing. They become distant, they refuse to touch or speak with you, and they make you feel like a horrible person for doing what should be normal in a relationship — asking questions.

Your partner is like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

You enjoy being around them in front of other people because they are a pleasure to be around, but once the company goes, they quickly transform into something monstrous, spilling ugly words, diminishing your efforts, accusing and emotionally abusing you.

Makes you feel incapable

Every time you want to try something new like going to school, getting a job or a promotion, they make you feel dumb for trying. They tell you why you aren’t qualified, that it will take away from time that should be invested in them and the relationship, and generally make you feel like a horrible person for even thinking about it.

Powell said that if this in any way reflects your current romantic involvement, then you are definitely involved in a dysfunctional relationship and you need to make a decision that will ensure your peace of mind and physical well-being.

“Ignoring the red flags is akin to deliberately walking into the path of an oncoming train — you are bound to be destroyed,” he said.

“Don’t hesitate to get professional help.”