Dating after divorce: A guide

DIVORCE is heartbreaking for many; it leaves you wondering where you are and where you’re going, and when it comes to finding love again, you may wonder whether you’re strong enough to take on that challenge.

But according to sex therapist and relationship specialist Dr Sidney McGill, it is natural for people to want to belong to somebody else, and to want be in an intimate relationship.

As such, he said you should not fight what’s natural, and shares some pointers for people who wish to date after a divorce.

Ask questions about the person you are dating

Compare him or her to your ex-wife or husband, and identify the similarities and differences. The tendency is to get involved with somebody similar in many ways to our exes. If he or she is too similar, it is highly unlikely that the relationship will work.

Make a list of the things that attract you to this person

What attracts you to a person is basically the same thing that attracted you to your ex-wife or husband. But many times the things that attract you are the same things that will repel you.

Look inwards

Do your own self-inquiry and find your weaknesses that contributed to the demise of the relationship. Do not do this in a hurry. Take the time to identify your faults.

Be the best listener you can be

You need to know intimate details about this new person. Show interest in the person’s well-being and background. Be very understanding and compassionate and show empathy, especially for the traumatic and bad experiences.

Ask your yourself what is it about the person that turns you on sexually

Is it how he or she smiles or the inflection in his or her voice?

It is important to know the person’s hobbies

Find out what they like to do, and participate in these activities.

Do not rush into a relationship

Wait at least a year, and use this time to get healing from the past.