Is pushing for what you want in a relationship a bad thing?

THE ‘high-maintenance’ label has been ascribed to the woman who many think want too much — too much affection, too much attention, too much time, and too much special treatment. But is pushing for what you want in a relationship a bad thing?

Relationship Counsellor Wayne Powell said that while a woman should consider asking herself some questions before making some demands, pushing for what you want in a relationship is neither high maintenance nor a bad thing.

“Nothing is wrong in pushing for what you want in a relationship. The real question that you need to ask yourself is, “Am I reasonable with my request? Can my partner deliver on my request? Does he have the capacity to do so?” Powell suggested.

He reasoned that if your partner is unable or unwilling to meet your demands, then pushing might mean pushing him away.

“If, for example, your partner has to save for the whole year to buy you that piece of jewellery you desire for a Christmas gift, then you begin to pressure them to buy you a BMW for your birthday, that might be stretch and this can be considered unconscionable especially since you’d know that he does not readily have the financial means,” Powell explained.

In this case, Powell said that such a woman being with a low budget partner is bound to create conflict and drive the gentleman to beg, borrow or steal the money to meet her wants and not her needs.

“It is imperative then that you know, or at least have an idea, of the depth of your partner’s pocket and if he can afford to sponsor your weekly trip to the spa, manicurist, and hair salon, etc. If he can’t meet your demands, then you may need to adjust your appetite to fall in line with the budget — which could mean having a friend trained in nail technology do the job as a substitute for the high-profile nail salon,” Powell recommended.

On the other hand, Powell said that if you are in a position to maintain a high maintenance lifestyle without putting undue pressure on your partner, then, by all means do what floats your boat and do not feel guilty for taking the very best care of yourself because that is important.

Outside of the high-maintenance issues, Powell said overall, it is not bad for a woman to push for what she wants in a relationship. This way:

She can know whether her partner is willing to make an effort

In every relationship, it is crucial to understand the depth of what your partner will and will not do. See what sacrifices he is willing to make for you and what habits he will change to make you comfortable. For example, you may ask him to do more around the house since your hours are so long. Then ask yourself how he responds and how you feel about it.

Her partner will learn more about her

By communicating her needs to her partner, he will get a better idea of who she is, the things she values, and what is important to her. He is also able to match his attitudes to her expectations because he loves her and wants her to be happy. Not pushing for what she wants does quite the opposite.

It reduces the possibility of conflict and resentment

Often in relationships, we may tend to try to delay saying what we want and what we don’t want. Failing to communicate what bothers you or what you want from your partner can be a source of resentment later when he refuses to meet your demands because you were completely fine before. Also, the earlier your partner is able to warm up to the idea, the better it is for your relationship.

It shows she is not a pushover

Pushing for what you want in a relationship sends the message that you are his equal — you understand this to be true and you will not be treated any less. You also make it clear that you are willing to reach a compromise but you will get a say, and your concerns will be heard.

It shows that she won’t settle

Making it clear that you understand your worth in a relationship is very important. Therefore, you have to be clear about your standards and you have to also make it known that it makes no sense that you remain a couple if you, your opinions, feelings and your time are not valued. It is important that if you remain in a relationship that you are getting the attention, support and love that you deserve.