When ‘no strings attached’ gets complicated
CASUAL hookups, whether no-strings-attached arrangements, friends with benefits or booty calls, are all known for the same thing — their commitment-free policy. This means that the parties are not exclusive and are not expected to share any amount of emotional connection or commitment.
With many of the possible elements for complications out of the way nothing could go wrong, right? Wrong!
If you find yourself catching feelings, relationship counsellor Wayne Powell has shared tips on how to navigate this potentially awkward situation.
Have a conversation about your feelings
As tough as it may be, Powell said the first step to take, especially if you are going to follow through with this arrangement, is to be willing to talk about the feelings that are being experienced. Ask yourself and decide if they can be controlled or contained. If not, test the waters; you don’t know how the other party may feel. So put your demands on the table and see how things go.
Is it possible to keep the terms of the original agreement?
Unfortunately, especially for women, keeping the lid on our emotions is not quite as easy as it is for men. It is, therefore, necessary to evaluate whether it is possible to effectively separate your feelings or emotions from the arrangement successfully. If you can’t, you may have to come clean about your feelings or cut the strings altogether.
Take a break
Sometimes when you start having feelings for someone it may be nothing more than infatuation. To measure the depth of your feelings, take a break from him to see if the feelings still endure or if they taper off over a period of non-physical contact. This should give you an indication of how you should proceed.
Decide how to proceed
Having assessed the seriousness of your emotional involvement, decide if it is to your advantage to continue the physical connection, especially if your emotions are getting in the way. If you find that you cannot effectively manage the separation then it is an indication to let it go before you get in too deep.
Are you physically and emotionally capable?
Determine if sex with no strings attached is something your body and mind can navigate. Decide if it is in your best interest to take the connection to another level, or if you need to put an end to your sexual rendezvous.
Is he available?
Consider if the person can genuinely fulfil your demands/expectations, especially if he is already in a committed relationship. If he is in a relationship then he may be emotionally unavailable, and you would have already known this. As such you would have already known that your requests or demands may not bear any fruit.
Don’t put pressure on him
Don’t try to push the other party in a corner or force him to accept your demands. You knew what you were signing up for. You may need to take it slow, as any semblance of speeding up the process might make him flee. Even if he is willing to consider a relationship, you must be patient and allow for a much smoother transition.
