The hypocrisy of sexualising boys in our culture

IT’S a scene often immortalised on video — the dancehall space, a corpulent woman dancing, and a sprightly young lad gyrating behind her, to congratulations from onlookers about his prowess. In all fairness, some of those viewing the video will comment on its immorality, but the majority will say it’s all for giggles, and will not attribute the same outrage that they would if the genders and ages were reversed.

In scenario number two, a woman has a boy child who receives comments from other women —“that’s my future husband”, “him cute eeh”, “pity him so young” — which are again seen as acceptable enough for boy children, but not for girls if the genders were reversed.

This, clinical psychologist and family therapist Dr Pearnel Bell says, is a shameful part of our culture — an inherent hypocrisy which she said is linked to a culture of gender discrimination and homophobia.

“In general what we see in our society is that there is an inclination by some members to celebrate the sexualisation of boys, while for girls this is usually seen as abuse. We are less likely to see a girl being referred to as “girlfriend” or “wife” by an adult male, and even if it does happen it is more likely to raise red flags and cause concern than if we were to hear women referring to little boys as their husbands or boyfriends,” Dr Bell reasoned.

She said that while in the mainstream there seems to be a shift in the way that parents and other adults who have responsibility for children deal with children who seem to be sexualised, there is still some concern that in certain areas of the country the practice remains untamed.

“Parents in certain areas, especially where homophobia is staunch, when they see their little boys interested in women and to the extent of desiring sex with women, it gives them some amount of comfort that their male child is heterosexual,” Dr Bell explained.

“If you ask a parent, chances are he or she will say, ‘well, at least him a no b***y man, man supposed to be gyalis’, and they are proud to know that they did not parent a child who is interested in a lifestyle that is still largely condemned in our society,” Dr Bell said further.

She said for women who engage in the practice of grinding on young boys, for example, it shows a lack of respect for self. They are also generally oblivious to the kinds of message that they are sending to these children. However, because the culture of rape and/or child sexual abuse and assault is generally seen through the eyes of gender, and according to the law men cannot be raped, the practice continues without prejudice.

“By law women cannot rape men. So people’s heads don’t turn as fast when they see a woman dancing with a male child. Also, boys are expected to show their interest in girls from very early. In fact these women sometimes see their actions as helping boys to familiarise themselves with the fairer sex. This is the training ground for soaking up the stereotypes of men that exists and which they are expected to follow,” Dr Bell explained.

Dr Bell said that while tolerance for this kind of display has reduced significantly, it still happens on far too many occasions than we can be comfortable with. She said that it sends a clear message that we have to unlearn these stereotypes in order to afford a similar kind of protection that we work assiduously to give to girls.