Relationship resolutions you should aim to keep this year
WHETHER you are in single and looking to mingle, are in a new relationship or one that is more seasoned, or are morally conflicted about your status, the new year presents a chance for change. If you haven’t yet quite figured it out where you’re heading over the next 11 months, our experts share a guide for navigating the choppy waters.
MARRIED/COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
Add some more spice and creativity in the bedroom
This means being open to trying something new, and putting some work in to reach to dizzying heights with your partner again, says relationship counsellor Wayne Powell.
Limit your screen time
Many times couples remain glued to their phones even in the little time they get to spend together outside of work and other engagements. This leads to issues such as lack of communication and reduced intimacy, two components that are crucial to your relationship. So commit to putting away your phones, listen to your partner, and spend quality time together, Powell said.
Be more emotionally available
An essential part of intimacy is being emotionally available. A lot of time women, and to greater extent men, will conceal their emotions, be distant, and hold on to important pieces of themselves because they don’t want to be rejected by those they love. But, said Powell, love and relationships are about acceptance, loving your partner regardless of their quirks, as well as being understanding and open to learning.
Be more supportive
A relationship is a teamwork. This means that you should aim to be your partner’s cheerleader, that you offer assistance where he or she may need you, that you encourage, and that you motivate your partner.
Be less confrontational
Have you ever heard the term don’t turn a molehill into a mountain? Well, Powell said, you may want to consider that before you go off on your partner following a simple miscommunication. Try talking things through instead of fuelling small disagreements into huge arguments. This will only make for a lot of unhappy days.
SINGLE
Make an effort to find love
God helps those who help themselves – yes, you literally have to make an effort to find love, says youth pastor David Anderson. So commit to going places where you’re likely to meet people, join a social group, go back to school, travel – these are the likely areas where you should find someone with shared interests, and where you may find love, often without expecting to.
Stop being so picky
Sure you’ve always wanted that tall, handsome prince with Idris Elba’s body, but what about the shorter cousin of the prince with the great personality? Amend your list just a tad and you’d be amazed to see what other options are available after you remove the filters, says Anderson.
Learn how to keep love
There are some people who are chronically single – sure they get into relationships but they can’t seem to keep them long-term. Whether it is that you need some introspection or some counselling, let this be the year that you work on you, before seeking to work with someone else.
Drop the baggage
A huge part of why some people are unlucky in love is that they lug around these huge pieces of baggage that they take into every single relationship. This is the year to start chiselling away at that baggage, Anderson said, and make way for a fresh, new start.
IN A MORAL CONUNDRUM
“Sharing is not caring and God doesn’t like ugly,” Anderson said.
So are you morally conflicted about sharing someone else’s partner, stealing someone else’s partner, or plotting against someone else’s partner? Let this be your year of reckoning, he added.
Leave that married man alone
“Send him home to his wife and quit the nonsense about men being short, or believing that you have something that the wife lacks,” Anderson said. “You don’t want that kind of karma on yourself, or on your children.”
Stop listening to people with loose values
While it may seem that much of the world is accepting of immorality, know that the majority of people still hold true to traditions and a certain moral standard that makes marriage a sacred space.
“So you may think that it’s OK to take somebody’s man, ruin a family, and even introduce children into this kind of union, but many people will still not accept you as legitimate,” Anderson said. “And many times it’s the outside children who live to suffer the shame of their parents’ indiscretions.
