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Entertainment
By Clyde McKenzie  
December 12, 2009

Tiger still in the woods

From all indications it will be a while yet before Tiger is out of the woods. His drive (no, not those legendary swings on the course) and his driving (which caused him to crash in his yard in the wee hours of the morning) skills are the focus of enormous media attention.

What has come to light is that the golfing phenom was hitting the birdies left right and centre and it was not on the links. The sad thing is that some of these birdies sing like canaries and the talk show hosts are now having a field day at the Tiger’s expense.

Jay Leno asked: “What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stopped at three hos.”

You got it ? Ho Ho Ho. Seriously though the past few weeks must have been truly harrowing for the great man and his family. I am not going to be the one to tell Ms Nordegren to “stand by your man” but one thing I will say and that is to err is human and to forgive divine.

The good book says that adultery provides grounds for divorce it never said that one had to leave one’s spouse in the face of infidelity. Tiger must now be cursing his luck for not having born Jamaican. Clearly there is a growing list of persons who share the view that there is perhaps a Jamaican lurking somewhere inside the Tiger. What else could have explained his gargantuan appetite? Yet by Jamaican standards, Tiger would be playing in the minor leagues. So far, 10 women have admitted to having an extramarital affair with the with him. This would be cited as a sterling example of sexual moderation among many Jamaican sportsmen and entertainers.

The good book says that adultery provides grounds for divorce it never said that one had to leave one’s spouse in the face of infidelity. Tiger must now be cursing his luck for not having born Jamaican. Clearly there is a growing list of persons who share the view that there is perhaps a Jamaican lurking somewhere inside the Tiger. What else could have explained his gargantuan appetite? Yet by Jamaican standards, Tiger would be playing in the minor leagues. So far, 10 women have admitted to having an extramarital affair with the with him. This would be cited as a sterling example of sexual moderation among many Jamaican sportsmen and entertainers.

However, not many Jamaican entertainers and sportsmen are married and so they could only be accused of infidelity not adultery. I could easily find 10 ordinary Jamaicans whose records in the sack would make Tiger seem almost celibate. Ten would perhaps be the number of “baby mothers” many Jamaican entertainers and sportsmen could name on a slow day and this list would not include those lucky and smart enough to get away without any physical evidence of the relationship.

Where Tiger would have had a problem in Jamaica is if he were found to be gay. The reverse is almost true in America where adultery is seen as a betrayal of trust and homosexuality a matter of emotional expression. What is interesting is the way some of the lesser lights in the golfing firmament are weighing in on Tiger’s transgressions, including a former golfing buddy who is supposed to have introduced Tiger to Elin Nordegren. This loser Parnevich is providing advice to Nordegren on what would be the best club for inflicting maximum damage to the Tiger. Now, if Nordegren, needed to know what golfing iron was appropriate for any purpose don’t you think she could have sought that information from the greatest golfer, who just happens to share her bed. Come on Parnevich she would not need your advice on that matter.

Well if Parnevich is not riddled with bad mind and envy then I am Mother Theresa. Deep down Parnevich, who claimed to be Tiger’s friend, found what he saw as a golden opportunity to score a point on the golfing legend. Even if Parnevich has the distinction of linking Woods and Nordegren, what gives him the right to be butting into the people’s lives and offering his unsolicited advice?

Yet if we think that Tiger will be the last sporting or entertainment great to be caught with his pants down we are deluding ourselves. The most celebrated American diplomat of the Twentieth Century Henry Kissinger noted that “power was the best aphrodisiac”. The fact is successful men have enormous amounts of testosterone coursing through their veins. Research has shown that supporters of losing teams have relatively lower levels of testosterone than those of winning ones. There is a direct link between ones testosterone levels and ones libido. Maybe the Tiger could not help himself. He was suffering from testosterone overdose.

The fact is that 40 years ago Tiger’s indiscretions would perhaps never have made the news. The media was far less intrusive then and technology did not have the potential of unmasking us in public the way it now does. FDR died with his mistress at his side but it was nothing that the American media saw fit to publish then. Another Democratic President, John F Kennedy, was known to have a little retinue of women providing him with sexual favours. Yet this was never a part of the information that the media saw fit to give the public. It has now been revealed that the legendary Albert Einstein was a philanderer and might have been a very callous husband and father. Yet the public was never invited into the private affairs of this great man. Rock Hudson was known to be gay among members of the media and his friends in Hollywood yet his cover was never blown until he was diagnosed as having AIDS.

The times, as Dylan would remind us, are a changing and celebrities must stay abreast of the trend if they don’t want to be road kill. Tiger should return to what he does best — playing golf. He should renew his chase of Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 Grand Slams (he is only four short.) He can equal the Golden Bears record in less than two years, all things being equal. Tiger and his legend will burn bright again would have learned who are his true friends.

clyde.mckenzie@gmail.com

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