This world is not for aye,

Nor ’tis not strange,

That even our loves

Should with our fortunes change.

Shakespeare, Hamlet III, 2

EVERYTHING changes, even though the French say, “The more things change, the more they remain the same.” That may be true in the broad sense, when dealing with the collective, with countries, and especially with politics. But when it comes to the individual, priorities do shift, and what was once important just seems to pale, as new and different things pique our interest. Even the Bible says that when you were a boy you acted like a boy, but now that you’re a man, you should act like a man. Priorities do change, and only Peter Pan remained a child forever, not wanting to change any aspect of his life. We’ll take a look at how priorities change, right after these responses to Terrorists Demands and Dog Days.

Dear Mr Robinson,

Here’s my valuable thoughts on Terrorist Demands. Not too long ago a pastor friend of mine used to organise Singles Nights and some of the women in attendance were so stunning, you couldn’t help but wonder why they were single… until they began to speak… surprise! Surprised that they expected, or should I say ‘demanded’ that any interested man jump through hoops and satisfy a very long list of requirements, just as mentioned in your article. Ironically, they were bitter that no man had met their exacting standards, (who could?) but didn’t get that was the reason why they were alone. I almost felt sorry for the men who were hopefully looking their way.

April (UK)

Hey Teerob,

Dog Days are so true. Hear this story. A woman went to the police station to file a report for her missing husband. The cop asked: What’s his height?

Woman: I don’t know

Cop: Slim or healthy?

Woman: Who can tell the difference?

Cop: Colour of eyes?

Woman: Never noticed.

Cop: Colour of hair

Woman: Er…should be black

Cop: Last clothes he was wearing

Woman: I don’t remember

Cop: Was somebody with him?

Woman: Yes, my Labrador dog, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is chipped, he never barks, wears a gold belt, studded with green emeralds, likes non-veg food, we eat together, we jog together.

Cop: I tell you what ma’m… Let’s look for the dog first.

See Teerob, it’s dog over man everytime.

Michelle

Teerob,

I hope you saw the story in the USA press where this heiress left over US$30 million to her dog and his handlers, but only a pittance to her only son. That’s really “ruff.”

Rover

Ah, how priorities do shift, from when people first meet, to when the relationship ripens, to when it matures. And women got an instant lesson in how priorities change when the World Cup started, as suddenly they were no longer number one in their men’s lives. For many first-timers, used to having their men around all the time, it was a severe shock, as they could not envisage that their loving, doting, attentive man could just suddenly shift gears and focus all his attention on sweaty men running up and down chasing a ball in a park. “I know that he told me that he loved football, but I couldn’t believe that he could just ignore me like that and watch matches three times a day.” Not only that, but even men who couldn’t normally rise and shine at six AM are now suddenly up, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to watch the first match of the day. “Even the replays he watches over and over again,” the women complain about. But that’s just one startling example of

how priorities shift and relationships evolve. Usually when a woman first meets a man, her priority is that man…only, his needs, his interests his wants. If he loves to go out, she says yes, if he likes oxtail, she doesn’t even wait until he asks for it, but prepares it and surprises him from time to time. If he asks her to do something or to remember to pick up something for him, she never ever forgets. She knows what he wants, what he likes and her priority is to please him. Now I’m not saying that a woman’s place is to please a man only, far from that, but only that it’s usually in the first few months or even the first year of the relationship that he feels that he’s the number one priority in her life. But as things settle, her priority changes, and he realises that he’s slipped a little bit down the totem pole.

This has caught many men whose wives blossomed, matured and ‘discovered’ themselves. Suddenly these women don’t see themselves as being in the shadow of their husbands anymore, and with this new-found ascendancy, her priorities change… and how. After a while he discovers this quantum shift. “Honey, you remember how you used to fix breakfast for me on a Sunday morning and bring it up to bed for me?” “Lord Cedric, you know that I can’t find the time to do that now, with the children, preparing for church, organising the house and all that… plus I had to take food to my friend down the road.” See how the sands have shifted. In the early years he was number one, el numero uno, the king of his castle, the emperor on his throne. Now he’s simply number two in…or on his throne. Her priority has shifted from him to just about everything else, and every action that she does that does not include the man is justified, and he’s unreasonable to think otherwise. It seems as if as soon as a woman gets used to a man, her priorities change, for she knows, or thinks, that she has him, and whenever she comes home he’ll be there. One day a husband called me after reading one of my columns and said, “Teerob, it’s not that marriage change women, you know, it’s the kids that change them. Suddenly the kids are number one, and the husbands can go to hell.” There seems to be a huge change in priorities when children come along into a marriage. Many husbands feel absolutely neglected, and justifiably so, as the wives simply drop them and focus every ounce of attention on the children. Therapists encourage women not to do this, but the women tell the therapist to go to hell too, for, “My pickney come first, and if he can’t understand that…then he can go to you know where.” It’s a sad fact that many marriages do not survive the advent of children. That is a sad irony.

Here’s how you can tell…when phone calls get less and less, or when you’re both on the phone and her call waiting tone beeps. Guess whose call she will take? That’s right, she’ll take the other call and tell you that she’ll call you back. Don’t be surprised if her dog learnt to dial out and call her. You know that she’ll take his call over yours. That’s how priorities shift. And it’s like a lobster trap too, only working one way. Once it goes in one direction, it doesn’t reverse. So there’s no winning back of the number one spot for you. Oh, she may try to make an effort, but once priorities have shifted, that’s it.

I won’t even get into the sex being put way down on the list of priorities, as I’ve explored that, but I couldn’t leave it out as part of the scientific research. Up to last week, a lady wrote the advice column saying that she’d lost all interest in sex since she had her baby. Her entire world is now her baby, and the man should ‘understand.’Listen, men’s priorities change too, but they don’t take such a drastic leap as the women’s. In fact, left to some men they’d be doing the same things now, as they did many years ago. And one thing is sure, one activity always tops the list of priorities, and we all know what that is. Just check out the singles clubs and you’ll see these men. But at least they attempt to realise some semblance of a social life, to maintain the status quo and have a balanced existence. Not so the women, who will place some things above all else, shifting their priorities, to the detriment of something else. It’s been said, and proven, that for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. So with this shift in priorities, with this obsession with the new baby, or the job, or the church, or even the dog as mentioned before, there will be a reaction from the other party. The strange thing about priorities changing and interests shifting, is that usually the person who has shifted priorities isn’t even aware of this change, and if asked about it, will either deny it, or justify their actions. It’s best to leave it alone and change your priorities also. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: So the World Cup is in its final stages with so many upsets, which shows how the football playing field is levelling off and the so-called lesser nations aren’t really lesser at all. We shall miss it when it’s gone, what a spectacle! And South Africa should be proud to have staged this mammoth event. What struck me as usual was the intelligence and fluency of the players during their interviews. Many of them speak several languages including those from Africa who are versed in many and speak perfect English. And then I think of ours…. and I wonder. There is no excuse. All of those foreign clubs who take youngsters do not simply focus on football, but also on education of the athletes. It’s like home schooling within the clubs. Can’t we do that here? Just a thought.