To fear the foe, since fear oppresseth strength,

Gives, in your weakness, strength unto your foe,

And so your follies,

Fight against yourself.

— Shakespeare, Richard 11, III, 2

WELL, there you go, as you can see, when you fear something, it gives that what you fear even more strength, even as it weakens you. They also say that what you fear will often befall you, and it’s true too.

I know so many women who fear croaking lizards, and guess what, those reptiles are always present in their lives and even jump on them all the time. It’s as if the fear draws the very thing that you fear closer to you. I wonder if the same applies to phobias, for doesn’t the dictionary define a phobia as a sort of fear? If that’s the case, then many people who have phobias are calling down crosses on themselves, and we do know that so many people have so many different phobias in these modern times. It’s also said to be a mental disorder.

Some of them have names that we are familiar with. We do know arachnophobia — a fear of spiders; agoraphobia — a fear of open spaces or crowds; hydrophobia — a fear of water; xenophobia — a fear of foreigners; gynophobia — fear of women; androphobia — fear of men; and others. Many others require a great deal of research.

Knowing me though, you can bet that I’ll be exploring the popular phobias that may not only raise a few eyebrows, but some other areas as well. Multi phobias, that’s our fear today, right after I share what some readers had to say about ‘When men age’.

Hey Tony,

The cartoon in your column showing the boy and father lookalike, struck a chord with me. From the time I was a child to early childhood, I was always being told how much I resembled my mother. Now I am being told how much I resemble my dad. I am not sure how to take the revelation as my dad is almost 86 years old. I have been told by some that I look 50 or younger, but I guess I can take solace in the fact that my dad looks my age. The old joke that states, ‘everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work, and your back goes out more than you do,’ doesn’t apply to me. Thank God for that.

Wickham

Teerob,

They say that people can age gracefully, or that a man can grow old with dignity. They can say what they want until they experience it for themselves. Where is the grace of back pain, arthritis and constipation? Where is the dignity of incontinence, impotence, or losing your dentures when you laugh? Growing old holds no joys. Ask any old person what they prefer, their present state, or where they were 30 years ago?

Maurice

Tony,

Some men think that they are always young, and refuse to acknowledge that their better days have long gone. I look at them and I laugh with pity, for they really think that the young girls really love them. Fools.

Sandra

A common term that’s being bandied about by all and sundry is homophobia. Even those who didn’t know what it meant years ago, sure know what it means today, as the media, here and abroad, constantly repeat it every chance that they get. I always remember this guy asking me years ago if it meant the fear of buying a home of his own. That was then, this is now, and that word is now known by almost everyone, as information becomes more accessible, people are learning more, and at a rapid rate too.

Now, almost everyone in Jamaica knows what homophobia means. After all, our little country has been called that more than we’d like to hear. “Jamaica is the most homophobic country I the world,” it’s been said. That’s so ridiculous. True, many of our artistes may have taken it unto themselves to dedicate their entire careers to singing about and cursing homosexuals, plus many people may talk openly against homosexuality, but to dub an entire nation homophobic is a bit extreme.

Oh, by the way, homophobia means an intense dislike and or fear of homosexuals. Fear, fear, fear. But hold on a minute, based on the above Shakespeare quote, if people have a fear or dislike of homosexuals, it means that they too may become weak in the face of that fear, and ultimately fall prey to it. What an irony. It’s the very same way that the guy who yells ‘thief’ the loudest on the streets, is none other than the biggest pickpocket in the area.

So the rumours may be true after all, many of those guys who are constantly bashing gays and singing songs with no other theme, may just be closet queens themselves. “But how him a fight against gay so much and him is de biggest one in de area?”

But hear this now, for every coin has its flip side, and every yin has its yang. I learnt a new term recently, heterophobia, and that there are also heterophobes in our midst. That’s right, if you have homophobia, then you can bet your bottom dollar that you also have heterophobia.

And what is heterophobia? It’s the dislike, loathing and contempt of all things heterosexual. So in the same way that some people shout to bun all b…man, there are others on the flip side who scream to bun all hetero men. I even saw an article by a fellow columnist that shed some light on this practice. It purported that in some media houses, there are gay bosses who prefer to hire only gay men, and bypass other men who are not of their persuasion.

I read that article with amusement, for I do remember my early days in the media and the inordinate ratio of gay men to straight men in seats of power. But I never knew of the word heterophobia until now. I merely thought that they were sensitive and artistic, that’s all, and liked to be among their own kind.

Apparently in the same way that some straight people may wish to victimise and decry homosexuals, it’s the same way that some homosexuals will fight against heterosexuals. “I can’t stand him, he’s such a damn heterosexual… he makes my skin crawl,” could be the utterance of a heterophobe.

I always knew that many homosexuals didn’t care for women, but to hear that they also loathed heterosexuals was a revelation to me. But upon reflection of my early days in the media, I do recall a homosexual co-worker remarking to me rather derisively that, “You straight people are so boring… you only explore one area of your sexuality, while we explore all aspects. We have more fun.” Was I the victim of a subtle form of heterophobia and didn’t even know it? It didn’t have a name then, but perhaps it still existed.

But back to us being called homophobic by those foreign folks; I beg to differ. How could a country that’s supposed to be homophobic be populated by so many gays who are not only tolerated but accepted? Gay men walk the streets, shop in supermarkets, some solicit men at nights, have their own parties and no one troubles them.

In fact, the irony is, some gays actually came out and condemned the actions of other gays who proliferated the New Kingston area, saying that they were a disgrace to the gay community and were not truly representative of all gays.

Now, I ask you, what if they were to take that behaviour to some Middle Eastern countries? I can assure you, they would know the real meaning of homophobia, for homosexuality is against the law there and often punishable by death. So don’t call us homophobic. Gay men are left alone to work in all areas of society without fear of harm, even though some foreign journalists love to say otherwise. Many gay men are brilliant lecturers, lawyers, actors, and everyone knows of their sexual preference and still respect them.

Okay, if they’re caught making out or having sex in a public bathroom or open park, that’s another matter, and people might not take too kindly to that spectacle. But hey, if heterosexuals do that too, they may suffer the same fate. “Disgusting, for heaven’s sake, get a room.”

I never knew that heterophobia existed until just recently, and I do not live in a bulb. I am aware of what’s happening. But I guess some things just slip through the cracks sometimes and I didn’t get that memo. Does this mean that in the same way some gay men mask their sexuality and act straight just to get a good job, some heterosexual men may act gay, just to get a plum job in a top class organisation? “Honey, I have to borrow your eyeliner, lip gloss, hand cream and mascara….I’m applying for that job I saw advertised.”

Now, I know that’s the stereotypical image of the gay man, but it’s far from the truth. Many look more masculine than a body builder, but blame that image on those high-profile gays who even other gays wish to disassociate themselves from. Even the cartoons in the newspapers depict them as such.

My, how the tables have turned, as the once oppressed has perhaps become the oppressor. Am I dreaming or what? Who knows, maybe one day Jamaica will be known as the most heterophobic nation on Earth. Some people may have to seek political asylum… but where? These things tend to spread internationally.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: I’m not flogging, or maybe I should say flagging a dead horse, but this is in respect to that German TV commercial that had our flag being burnt and trampled on. I saw the intention of the message, and I applaud it, as all hate crimes should be addressed and frowned upon. They wanted to show that disrespect to any other country would not be tolerated. But why use our flag? Why didn’t they use a USA, British, Israeli or German flag? Or to make it even more colourful and interesting, why didn’t they use the Iranian flag or one from the Middle East? Duppy know who to frighten.

It just goes to show though, how powerful our brand is, as certainly, if they had used any other flag from the Caribbean, people wouldn’t even know what country’s flag it was. We’re victims of our own high-profile success. It’s time that we capitalise on this and not let others take our birthright from us. Our music, our culture, our airline, our cement, our coffee, our dances our speech patterns… going… going… gone to others from far off countries. In South Africa, they’re even stealing dreadlocks off people’s heads to sell. Hair today, gone tomorrow.