Dear Counsellor,
My wife and I have been married four years, and are parents to a little girl. Over the last year we’ve had severe financial challenges, as during COVID when I was earning a lot of money working remotely, we made some unwise decisions to upgrade our lifestyle, that we realise we can’t afford now. Now that COVID is over I am down to just my regular 9-5 and we’re in debt because of all the financial decisions we took then. Anyway, the other day a friend of mine messaged me to tell me that he had seen my wife on a popular Internet site that allows people to make money through sharing erotic content. When I confronted her she said she had done what she needed to do to make money, as it’s too hard to try to survive in Jamaica with regular jobs. I am shocked and stunned, especially since my friends know. How can we approach this? I feel emasculated as the one who is supposed to be the breadwinner, and my wife says she won’t stop until she has cleared her debts.

The situation certainly qualifies as an emergency scenario. If ever there was a red alert, this is a red alert. While it is important that both of you become very practical and innovative, jeopardising respectability and the family is counterproductive. What she’s doing is not the answer. You were correct to confront her. What your wife is seeing as a pressing financial burden now can easily become a larger catastrophe later.

The path that she has ventured down can so impact her conscience that she delves deeper into this. Yes, individuals make money from these sites, but at what cost to their family? She can damage her reputation, her self-confidence, and her relationships. It’s important for her to remember, whatever is posted out there online stays out there. It cannot truly be reeled in. Your daughter and her friends may also see those pictures. That would not be a positive experience for your daughter.

My advice:

Stage a proper intervention: Create a warm, comfortable atmosphere where you can have a pow-wow with her. Include one or two close, mature family members. You can’t fear her reaction. Your relationship is already sinking. Ask everyone present to make a statement to her about their concerns. Then ask her to respond afterwards. You should sum up the meeting at the end. An ultimatum probably should be given: “Please stop or I will protect our daughter by… A, B, & C.”

Create another plan to make cash: Consider again what safe ways you can earn cash. Leverage whatever assets you can. Also, consider cottage industry projects like craft or juices, etc. Or service oriented efforts offered on the weekend. Consider teaching something, or getting extra hours at work. Consider taking in a boarder or two, and cut back on expenses as best as you can. A dollar saved is a dollar earned.

Create a plan to handle all the debt: If there are high-end things to return, return them. Then try to consolidate all the debt. Try to access financing from just one low-interest creditor to cover all the other debts. If you have family, close friends, or a church family that can assist with an interest-free loan, pursue that.

Do not despair: You’ll need to remain confident as you chart the course out of the challenge. You’ll have quite an experience to talk about when the dust settles. Though your wife’s actions bring into question her judgement, do not condemn her. Do your best to protect her from the debt and the embarrassment of these actions.

I pray for your best outcome. As always, you can reach out to counsellorscouch.com for further assistance.

Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.