When men can’t handle cheating

NEW research has backed up what many women knew all along — men are more likely than women to be totally devastated by sexual infidelity.

The study, conducted by Chapman University in the United States, and published in the December 2014 issue of the journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour, polled nearly 64,000 Americans aged 18 – 65, and asked participants to imagine what would upset them more: their partners having sex with someone else (but not falling in love with them) or their partners falling in love with someone else (but not having sex with them).

“One hypothesis derived from evolutionary perspectives is that men are more upset than women by sexual infidelity and women are more upset than men by emotional infidelity,” said the study’s abstract. “The proposed explanation is that men, in contrast to women, face the risk of unwittingly investing in genetically unrelated offspring. Most studies, however, have relied on small college or community samples of heterosexual participants. We examined upset over sexual versus emotional jealousy among 63,894 gay, lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual participants… Consistent with this evolutionary perspective, heterosexual men were more likely than heterosexual women to be upset by sexual infidelity (54 vs 35 per cent) and less likely than heterosexual women to be upset by emotional infidelity (46 vs 65 per cent).

“This gender difference emerged across age groups, income levels, history of being cheated on, history of being unfaithful, relationship type, and length.”

Psychologist Dr Leahcim Semaj said the findings are spot on, and that the behaviour of both sexes have been shaped over time, before reliable contraceptives and ‘political correctness’ came into play.

“Now a man’s choices which have to do with partners, it has never been restricted throughout history, because a man is designed to have as many children and as many women as he has sex with,” Dr Semaj explained.

“We are talking historically now, socio-biological connection. A woman has a limited number of options for replicating herself in the next generation in terms of the number of eggs she produces and the amount of time that she is fertile. So she has to choose her partner much more carefully than a man has to,” he said.

Dr Semaj agreed that a man’s biggest concern is in paternity, and that this is not a factor for the woman who is already certain about the maternity.

“But for the man, once the woman that you are having sex with is having sex with other people, that brings into question the issue of paternity, or what they would call ‘jacket’ or inheritance,” Dr Semaj said. “So he will now ask ‘is it my child?’ So the issue of a woman’s sexual fidelity is of greater concern to a man. Because the only way he can have any kind of surety that the child is his is the knowledge that the woman he is involved with sexually is not involved sexually with anybody else.”

On the other side, the psychologist explained that if a woman finds out that the man has had a sexual relationship with somebody else, the questions that she would ask is, ‘Did it mean something to you?’ ‘Are you in love with her?’ ‘Is it a long term relationship?’

“Those are things that indicate the possibility of her losing his love and losing the relationship,” he added. “If it was just a sexual relationship, it is easier to forgive because it has less long-term consequences on her than if it is somebody that he is emotionally involved with.” He said in Jamaican culture, a woman may know that the man she is with is involved sexually with other women, but as long as it is not a relationship, and as long as it is not in her face, she will overlook it.

“But once the man knows that the woman is involved sexually with somebody else, that is a whole different ball game!”

He said the reality is that a man has no problem with a woman having sex with other people — as long as she is not his woman.

“I totally agree with the findings and the rationale behind it,” said Edward Wray, a computer technician.

“Even though we play tough and as if nothing bothers us, sometimes sexually infidelity is the ultimate sin a woman could ever commit against a man.”

Neil Simmonds, a delivery supervisor, said sexual infidelity also diminishes a man’s self- worth.

“A man likes to feel that he can satisfy his woman, and if he finds out that she is sleeping with somebody else it just makes him feel like he is worthless because he cannot satisfy his woman,” Simmonds said.

“That is why many times a man won’t take back a woman after he finds out that she ‘give it away’ ’cause he feels like he cannot live up to certain things and that the woman may even be comparing him to the other man.”