He says he wants space
Dear Counsellor,
I have been with this guy for two months now. In the beginning he was Mr Perfect, then I don’t know what happened. He stopped visiting my home; and barely speaks to me. When we met he had just come out of a long-distance relationship. I keep asking him what’s wrong, and he says he likes his space. I don’t know what to think. He has become friendly with his baby’s mother again, so I don’t know if it’s because of her. Please help.
For some men the thrill of pursuing a female is what gives them that adrenaline rush. After they have accomplished such a feat they lose interest and proceed to restart the cycle.
So you’ve been with this guy for two months. What was the main activity in the relationship? Was it sexual? Again, for some men that is there ultimate goal.
Most relationships begin with joy and happiness as the emotions are at a high and both partners are “in love”. Everyone is on his/her best behaviour as the intention is to impress each other. For some women, the knight in shining armour is the answer to their prayers, and he will fulfil their dreams of settling down and getting married. Unfortunately, sometimes Prince Charming has another agenda. And therein lies the dilemma in new relationships — one is heading north (rational) and the other heading south (sexual).
Again, the charge to women is to approach relationships cautiously and not be too eager to surrender their bodies in an effort to gain men’s love and affection. Do your due diligence and background checks just to make sure you have an idea of the type of person you are getting involved with. So look beyond the flowers, chocolates and all the other niceties that you might be showered with. Remove the blinkers and take note of any red flags that might show up.
It would appear that your gentleman started a rebound relationship with you and there was evidently no closure on his former relationship. In such a scenario, the rebound partner is usually in a very delicate position as, with a snap of the finger the circumstances can change and you are left out in the cold. Such is the general nature of rebound relationships — very tenuous.
So he tells you he likes his space, what does that tell you? It simply means that he will come and see you when he feels like it and he does not want to be pressured into doing so. Chances are you will be sitting around for a long time waiting to exhale.
You can either take the turn of events as a blessing in disguise, in that he showed his true colours early, or you can choose to remain in a state of confusion.
You could be right, his child’s mother could well want him back in her life and may have made overtures. Whatever the reasons, the fact is his interest in you has subsided. You need let him know that you are not prepared to work with his disappearing acts and if he continues on that path there is a strong possibility that you may also do the same.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to crisscounselloronline@gmail.com.
