The basics of foreplay
There’s hardly ever a debriefing session held after a session in the bedroom, though ensuring the other partner’s satisfaction should be a shared responsibility.
Some women will argue that men should ensure they are satisfied after sex, while some men will say the purpose of sex is for the pleasure of the man.
But according to Dr Karen Carpenter, clinical sexologist and author of Love & Sex: The Basics, we have to know our bodies well enough to know what satisfies us.
“If we get into a sexual encounter and we are clearing our own minds to know that we contribute to that encounter and our own satisfaction, then we wouldn’t be expecting the other person to satisfy us so much,” she said.
As for the responsibility of satisfaction, Dr Carpenter said while the onus is on both partners, it is important to note that satisfaction begins before both people enter the bedroom.
“It doesn’t start when the relationship becomes serious, it starts when you’re choosing a partner and part of the responsibility we have is to choose the right partner,” she said.
“You can’t choose the wrong partner and expect to be sexually satisfied. Constantly people choose the wrong partners and expect to get their sexual satisfaction from that person. In other words, if you’re not sexually compatible, you will not find your sexual satisfaction with that person.”
Dr Carpenter said a lot of talking about desire has to take place outside the bedroom in order to achieve satisfaction.
“Most times we get into bed with the person, find that we’re not satisfied, find that that repeats itself, and then start being unhappy. But we don’t spend enough time prior to getting into bed with someone finding out about what their likes or dislikes are. What they like or dislike is an ice-breaker for us and we really don’t need to get into bed to find that out,” she said.
Dr Carpenter added that an important part of any sexual experience to obtain satisfaction is foreplay, and it should begin outside the bedroom.
“Foreplay is not about stimulating your partner in the bedroom. Foreplay is actually about stimulating your partner before you get to the bedroom,” she said.
Below Dr Carpenter lists some of the things people can do outside the bedroom, which contribute to the sexual encounter and can set the pace for satisfaction.
1. Both men and women should be more attentive to their partners.
2. Flirt with your partner.
3. Send sexy messages.
4. Prepare for the sexual encounter by being attractive and keeping yourself in good shape.
