What it’s really like being the other woman

WE all have a perception of what she might be like — slimmer, prettier, exquisite, the devil’s spawn, overly sexed, or a predator waiting for her kill — that other woman who manages to attract our spouse’s attention. No woman wants to know that she is part of the equation, but while she is usually ostracised, no doubt she is fascinating.

Below we take a glimpse into the life of the other woman, as she confesses what it’s really like being the one in the shadows.

Brittany G:

It’s a bittersweet feeling. The thrill of knowing he shares his time equally with you is the sweet part, but what’s bitter is knowing he will never leave the long-term woman for you. Apart from tossing between those two extremes, you live in denial, but you know deep down that you have done nothing but settle for not only second, but possibly fifth best. It’s like you’re this gem being kept buried because the owner does not know your worth and is ashamed of you. Eventually you begin to feel worthless too.

Rayanna H:

It’s difficult to describe but from having done that once, it’s not a good feeling. You’ll never be treated as you should be. I’m a Christian now and Proverbs 31 says, ‘Who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies’, and playing the other woman your price is nowhere near rubies — probably stainless steel. The point is, you are not valued, you can’t ask to be respected, because quite frankly you are a homewrecker. So it’s a life of second-class love and disrespect.

Tonya R:

Demeaning. You will always be second, even though you believe you deserve to be first. As the other woman we often have messed-up ideas that he will leave his wife and live with us or remarry and we’ll be the bride. But it makes no sense believing that. Men who are married aren’t going to leave their wives for you and I learnt that the hard way. I was in a relationship, got involved with a married man, and played number two to him and number one to my boyfriend. You can’t serve two masters and because the married man was more established I started to appreciate him over my boyfriend and started ignoring my boyfriend. Reality hit when the married man told me his wife knew and he no longer wished to continue the affair. By that time my boyfriend and I were through and I was left with my tail between my legs looking dumb and stupid.

Heather R:

I played the other woman to a woman who was married to a man. When her husband found out he thought he could have both of us, but it did more harm than good.

Latoya K:

As the other woman you will never be truly happy. It’s a never-ending competition to win him over fully and if you’re lucky enough to grab him from his girlfriend or wife, it’s another competition to prove to him that he made the right choice. Take a leaf from my book and don’t do it, it’s too much work. It’s easier to pursue a single man and to even propose to a man that try and prove yourself to a man who’s in a relationship.

Ana S:

I’m currently the other woman and apart from always being second best and knowing he will never leave her for me, the role is a rewarding one. When he needs a shoulder to cry on I’m there, when he needs to let off steam and talk about a rough day, I’m listening and not nagging him. He is never denied sex, and he knows whenever he’s around me his mind is at peace. So I see my role as a necessary one — I’m his confidante or better yet his tower of strength. I know I will never be number one physically, but emotionally I know I matter and I’m catering to his needs.

Carmen G:

You have to understand that you’re not the only one who will get hurt. He will, his girlfriend or wife will, his children, family, friends, your friends, your family, your children. After you have realised that, you have to accept that and stick it through. When the poop hits the fan, you deal with it and keep your head high and live to be remembered as the one who tore apart a home. That’s what it’s like being the other woman.