When the blind lead the blind: The myth of female empowerment

EMPOWERMENT sessions are a dime a dozen these days, and if you visit any social media platform, you will find self-proclaimed empowerment speakers dishing out advice on how to weather the challenges in any given situation.

Many of these speakers are women who target other women, promising to give tips on how to overcome abuse, cope with relationship problems, move up in their careers and excel in every avenue of life.

Many of these women have experienced heartbreak and tumultuous relationships, and often recount how they overcame catastrophic events in their lives to get where they are today. And with one Instagram like, they promise that you too can find happiness, by buying a book, or attending an empowerment seminar — hosted by them, of course.

But quite often, in real life, these women are shells of what they sell online — insecure, broken, lonely, some still being abused.

And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with using one’s life story to inspire others, the question is, if you have not healed from the situation, should you even be branding yourself as an empowerment speaker?

Should you be on stage encouraging other women when you’re not in a place to truly inspire others, as you haven’t yet learned from your experiences?

Psychologist and chief ideator of Above and Beyond, Dr Leachim Semaj, says giving advice to people can shape their lives, so if you are not healed from the pain of your experiences, it makes no sense.

He explained that someone who has gone through the fire and is now whole is in a perfect position to help other people, but if you are still fighting your demons and assessing the issue, you are actually a danger to other women.

Empowerment speaker Natalie Taylor agrees, and adds that it depends on the maturity of the speaker and the audience.

Taylor, who was a speaker at a recent JPS Women in Energy Conference, shared that at the conference she spoke about her marriage which had broken down, but it was not from a place of bitterness.

“She can speak if she’s mature and able to compartmentalise the area of her life that she may not be healed in, and share in the area where she has received healing. I shared at my level of healing and not at my level of pain. For instance, there were certain areas I wasn’t healed in, so I really didn’t share or walk in those areas, because it would come across as bitterness. If they are mature and they know how to focus on the areas that they can empower in, fine. But not all are mature, and the thing is, you cannot know the difference between someone who hasn’t healed versus someone who has healed. I’ve seen a lot of women empowerment events with women who have supposedly healed and the truth is, they tell a glossed-over story and they tell floss and gloss, and there is no truth, no transparency, no honesty and no depth.

“A lot of these events are more about telling stories than giving practical advice on how to do, what to do and what not to do, and so they are not about empowerment. It’s a lot of hoopla. There’s short-term inspiration, there is short-term motivation, but there is no genuine empowerment. Empowerment is a level of depth where I can take practical information which I have been given or received and go put it to work and actually be able to get similar positive results. Most of the events are not so,” she pointed out.

Rather, Taylor explained that most of the events are actually more geared towards healing.

“There is a lot more revealing and a lot more healing, in terms of people listening to other people share some of their pain, and so they feel some level of comfort in sharing their pain or some level of comfort in owning their pain or owning the things that they’ve been ashamed of or are experiencing disgrace about. So those things happen a lot at these events, but I don’t necessarily think they are events that empower women,” she said.

She added that with some events you see the same speakers simply regurgitating information at every event, with no strategic approach to who the audience is, what they are going through, or what you can give them.

“If you were to follow up with a lot of these people, there is nothing that they’ve been able to put into play to use,” Taylor said.

She went on to say that many people are truly not aware that their unhealed areas can lead them to bitterness. It is forgiveness that should be at the fore for many speakers, especially those who have been through the ringer.

“I’ve been at a place where I’ve had some level of bitterness and did not know it because I was not aware [and] sometimes people are not aware that their unhealed area can lead them to bitterness. It’s not like you get up and say ‘I’m going to be bitter, I’m going to be mean, I’m going to be unforgiving’. But it’s a part of the process, and sometimes you are not as far along the process as you think you are, so you are not healed. The longer it stays there it becomes unforgiveness, which becomes poison and bitterness. So being on a platform where people are a captive audience listening to you and receiving from you, you could be feeding those people that negative energy,” Taylor stated.

Moreover, Dr Semaj said assessment of speakers is crucial for those organising empowerment events or looking to attend one.

“If you know the person well, then you are in a position to assess it for yourself, but if you have any doubts, you need to seek out other people who may be of help or who may know them,” he said.

He added that once you solicit help from someone, you need a referral, you need somebody who can verify their credibility, especially in the case where this person has been through a bad divorce, a bad marriage, exploitation or abuse.

“You need to have independent verification that this person is actually now a whole person. This is usually supported by a third-party assessment,” he said.