Raising the sensitive child

CHILDREN are born with varying personalities — some are bold and outspoken, while others are quiet and introverted, and then we have some who are extremely sensitive. In the case of the last group, Guidance Counsellor Monique Minto notes that these children tend to get stereotyped as the “whiny or edgy ones”, but parents can help ensure that they give them optimal support by tailoring their parenting style.

“Sensitive children are gifts; they tend to be very kind, sensitive, empathetic and sweet-natured. However, as with parenting all other children, there will be challenges — some people even classify their own children as whiners and weaklings when the truth is all they often need is some emotional and sometimes physical reassurance,” Minto explained.

To help your child manage the many challenges that come with his/her personality as well as to build on their gifts, Minto recommended the following guidelines:

Recognise and accept that your child is sensitive

The worst thing that you can do as a parent is to fall in line with the stereotypes that are used to define such children, such as whiny or too emotional. Unfortunately, not every child can be tough and you should appreciate your child’s uniqueness. Instead of focusing on changing your child’s personality and driving your child to a state of emotional instability with your criticism of his or her challenges, help the child to deal with these challenges and focus on how good-natured your child is as well.

Show your child empathy

Your child is not likely to react well to loud noises, a fall, someone shouting at him or her, maybe even you in a moment of frustration. Take a deep breath and take control of the situation. Give your child attention; it will make him/her know that you are listening. Next, you want to hear them out even if their explanation does not make any logical sense. Having achieved this, you will need to move on to problem solving — for example, apologise if you shouted or ask if they would like you to kiss the place they bumped better.

Never ignore limits

It is good to be empathetic with your child, but what is also important is that your child understands the importance of limits. You cannot simply turn a blind eye every time a sensitive child breaks the rules because you want to maintain peace or avoid them crying. You would simply be sending the wrong message. The child must understand that some things are not tolerated, and this can actually contribute to them becoming more responsible. Knowing that there are consequences for breaking rules is a very crucial life lesson.

Praise your child’s efforts

Sensitive children thrive when they are encouraged, and this is necessary, for instance, even when they do not do well. These can be highly stressful situations for them which can cause them to become emotional. Make it clear that you are praising the effort and not the results, and encourage them to practise some more so that they may be successful next time. Coming down too hard on a sensitive child can destroy their self-esteem and may make your child fearful when they are given similar tasks in future. One other important time to praise your child is when they tell the truth, and always make sure that your child knows that while lies are unacceptable, they won’t be judged for coming clean. This is necessary because sensitive children tend to lie more to get out of trouble.

Teach your child to tap into their feelings

Sensitive children will feel a lot. They are very emotional, and it can be difficult managing these, so it would help to teach your child. The first step to achieving this is helping the child to verbalise his/her feelings. This will help them to better communicate with you and others. Next, you will coach your child about dealing with these emotions in a way that is acceptable.

Teach problem-solving skills

A major challenge for sensitive children is confidence. One of the greatest weapons that you can arm your children with is the ability to solve their problems. Therefore guide your child towards looking at situations and deciding on the best solution to the varying problems they will encounter. This will inspire confidence and will reduce the possibility of emotional struggles when dealing with sensitive situations.