The man I love is about to get married
Dear Counsellor,
The man I love is about to get married and I want to stop him because I know something bad about the girl that he does not know. Should I let him know? Furthermore, I believe I would make a better wife than she will. Should I allow him to find out on his own or save him from the pending disaster?
I am curious to know what your motivation is for wanting to inform the gentleman of the “secret” of the bride-to-be. Are you doing so because you genuinely want to protect him from any possible embarrassment, or is it more about your jealousy?
The moment you declared that you would have made a better wife suggests that you have ulterior motives. One would hope that the gentleman explored his options before he made his final selection. We do know, however, that people do have different reasons for making their selection of a marital partner, some that make sense and others that are more like a financial arrangement. Whichever was his motivation, what is evident is that you were not the chosen one!
The sooner you remove the gentleman from your wishful thinking, the better you will be able to manage the rejection. Nursing your hurt will only lead to resentment and anger. There are many movies out there that depict how diabolic people can become when they develop out-of-control jealousy and envy.
Sometimes it’s best to keep what you know to yourself and allow the drama to play out. If, for example, the woman has a child that she never disclosed, or she had an abortion, these are matters that she would decide, if it would be worth her while, to conceal from her partner who may eventually find out. The onus is hers not yours. It’s her responsibility to decide if she wants to be honest and transparent with her husband-to-be — or not.
What could happen too is that you go and share what you know, and the gentleman says he already knows, or it does not matter as he loves his woman unconditionally. You would then be left with egg on your face that would make you more furious as your plan of breaking up the relationship would have backfired.
So, instead of being bitter, wish them all the best and walk away. Think of being a good wife to someone else and focus your attention elsewhere. Don’t attempt to interfere in the couples’ business. If you are right and the information is indeed incriminating, let them work it through as they should.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com or powellw@seekingshalom.org. Check out his work on www.seekingshalom.org and his Facebook page at www.facebook.com/MFTCounselor/ .
