Divorcees share the one thing they wish they knew before they got married
AMERICAN writer David Zindell might as well have been talking about marriage when he said, “Before, you are wise; after, you are wise. In-between you are otherwise.”
Marriage seems like a smart idea before it happens; you are positive that whatever difficulties arise, you and your partner can solve them together.
The second dose of wisdom for many, however, doesn’t come until after the marriage has dissolved, and they are able to see things through the magnifying glass of hindsight. When the blindness of love wears off you are able to see those red flags for what they are. “If I knew then what I know now…” becomes an all too familiar thought.
These divorcees share the one thing they wish they knew before they got married that would probably have saved them a lot of time, money, and heartbreak.
Anna-Kay, 36, nurse:
I wish I knew how nasty he was. It’s obvious he was putting on a show when we were dating by cleaning up whenever I was coming over. Then he barely pulled his weight when I moved in. A few months into the marriage he dropped the ball completely and became such a nasty, lazy creature that I didn’t even want to make love to him anymore. If I left him alone for a weekend I would come home to a pigsty.
Tony, 69, retired:
I was very young when I got married and I didn’t know yet what marriage was all about. I just knew that she wanted it, and I wanted to make her happy. But neither of us was ready, and we rushed into it too soon. I wish I knew that we were so incompatible, because we tried to make it work for a long time and we were both miserable.
Wendi, 46, curriculum developer:
I wish I knew how to be married. When you get married your spouse expects you to change, and their expectations of you are very different from before the wedding. They expect you to become a housewife after marriage, although they knew you were career-driven before. So, instead of helping to wash the dishes like they used to, they start watching to see if you will. They expect you to stop dressing up and working out because you’re married. If I knew marriage would be like that I would have never gotten married.
Granville, 56, developer:
I wish I knew that a wedding ring doesn’t mean a thing to some of these women, except that they now feel entitled to your money. Though they’re married, and they expect you to provide like a husband, they don’t expect to care for you like a wife. They still want to act single and seek attention from other men, and they expect you to be OK with that.
June, 43, teacher:
I wish I knew how expensive and time-consuming divorce was before I got married. If I did, I would probably not have done it with my first husband. Just the process of changing my name, then having it changed back is exhausting. It’s even more stressful when you have a new man and he doesn’t want you to have another man’s name and is pushing you to sort it out so he can marry you.
