7 signs you’re fuelling your partner’s bad behaviour
WE all want our loved ones to prosper and succeed, but sometimes, in a desperate attempt to help them thrive, we forget that love is an act of balance. That said, sadly, in some instances, and perhaps completely oblivious to you, your attempt to care for and protect your partner can contribute to their dysfunctional patterns.
Are you playing the role of enabler in your relationship? If you do the following, family counsellor and relationship expert Wayne Powell says that you could be enabling the emotionally abusive behaviour of your partner:
You always put your partner’s needs before yours
You are always willing to move your wants, needs, feelings and well-being to the back burner to ensure that your partner’s own are met first. For example, you will risk running into trouble with your landlord for late rent because you used the money to pay for your partner’s new outfit, or you may put off going to the doctor or paying one of your bills to take care of theirs.
You constantly suppress your true feelings to please your partner
You always say you are fine when the truth is that you are experiencing anguish on the inside triggered by your partner’s inconsiderate attitude and actions. You prefer to suffer in silence than to express your true feelings because you don’t want to bruise his/her ego, cause them to become angry, or risk your pain being trivialised because what they are likely to ask is, “A that you vex for?”
You defend your partner’s poor behaviour
It’s good when you can stand up for your partner. But, what is not okay is if you constantly feel that you need to be the “translator” for your partner behaving badly around family or friends, or even in your home. If you fail to hold him accountable and continuously make excuses for the person, telling others, “That’s how he is”, you would have inadvertently created a vicious cycle — you will feel forced to continue making excuses and he will make no effort to change because you “have his back”.
You allow your partner to play mind games that prevent you from thinking rationally
The truth is, mind games by their very nature can drive you crazy. If your partner is manipulative and constantly plays with your emotions, then this can keep your stomach churning with anxiety and breed feelings of frustration. This makes it difficult for you to feel settled because you aren’t sure about them or whether they are serious about or committed to the relationship, causing you to feel bewildered. However, regardless of how many times you show concern, they brush it off and pretend that you are imagining things.
You fail to confront your partner when he misbehaves
Regardless of the number of times your partner crosses the line or outrightly hurts you, instead of being upfront about the way that his words or actions have affected you, you turn a blind eye.
You keep yourself in a subservient position in the relationship, with no room for personal independence
You ditch the things that you identify with — your hobbies, the career you are most passionate about, for example — and you find yourself immersed in whatever it is that your partner likes or wants you to do.
You allow your partner to manipulate your time and space
You allow your partner to dictate the when, who, where, how and whys of your life. This is a classic technique to make sure that you are so controlled and isolated that you feel alone and you have to always rely on them.
