The ‘kept man’ conundrum

THE clapback against American actress Keke Palmer’s now ex has been swift, vicious and wild, with many people commenting that a ‘kept man’ — or one who earns less than his woman — should basically know his place. In case you’ve been in a cave, Darius Jackson was basically forced into exile from social media, after he made a post criticising Palmer’s outfit that she wore to an Usher concert. Hinting that she was inappropriately dressed for a mom, Jackson may have felt justified as a boyfriend, but the Internet told him to shut up and ship out — because a useless kept man relying on a woman who pays the bills can’t set a dress code.

It made us wonder about some of the other rules and codes about being kept, especially in a situation where the gender roles have switched. We asked some men who have been in positions like this, for their experiences.

Xavier, 32, married:

I was in a situation like this for about two years — my now wife was making way, way more, and on top of that, was more educated, had two cars and her house, while I was a walk-foot renter. She didn’t make me feel anyway, but I couldn’t talk to her because she was independent. So when she wanted to go somewhere, I couldn’t have an opinion because she was just strong-willed. For a long time I also drove one of her cars, and all I paid was the insurance. She would tell me not to bring any of my workmen or friends in her car, and would be annoyed if it wasn’t cleaned. Even today, though I’m earning more and we’re more equal, I still can’t tell her what to do and she doesn’t ask my opinion about anything because I guess she doesn’t regard me as an equal. So, I just do my own thing.

Willie, 44, single:

For most of my young days women took care of me, that’s just how it was. My last relationship lasted 10 years with a woman from America who did everything. We couldn’t really move forward because I have a record but I just knew my position — I couldn’t really say and do anything if I wasn’t the one bringing in the bacon; if it was the opposite, then I could. I wouldn’t make pride get in the way of my bread, so whatever she said, that was the rule.

Carter, 24, single:

Being with a woman like that is nice for a while when you’re young and, depending on what you want, the guidance is good. You just have to know your place. I think it’s the older guys who would more want to rule their women; us young guys believe in equality. So if she wants to be the man, I don’t care. Be my man, baby.

Warren, 33, separated:

It can work for a while, but not for the long term. At some point a man is going to feel disrespected and want to be the head of his house. Women who are like that — overbearing and stuff — are nice for a while, especially when they can have their careers and be a good partner at the same time. But when they start treating you like a nobody, that’s when you’ll start looking for a woman who’s less demanding and less of a witch.