The woman’s invisible load
GENDER advocates have called it ‘invisible work’, defined as the mental and emotional labour that women disproportionately carry in managing households, relationships, and family life. This form of labour includes the planning, organising, worrying, and managing of daily tasks that keep a household running smoothly, and it goes beyond physical chores and encompasses the cognitive and emotional effort required to anticipate needs, solve problems, and ensure the well-being of others.
“Recognising and addressing this imbalance in families is essential for creating more equitable relationships and healthier family dynamics,” said marriage and family counsellor Keithia Spaulding.
She was responding to women’s concerns about this and other issues in a summer discussion forum on keeping families together in Spanish Town late last month, where the women spoke about the mental labour that goes into managing and organising household tasks and responsibilities, for which they’re most times not recognised.
“I have to plan meals, keep a calendar or appointments, attend the children’s events, and ensure that everyone’s needs are met,” said one participant. “At the end of it all, how am I supposed to manage the emotions of everyone else, and then manage my own emotions, and then resolve conflicts, and maintain harmony?”
Spaulding said this requires empathy, patience, and constant emotional regulation, and she shared that women’s mental and emotional labour are often overlooked, because historically, women have been seen as the primary caregivers and homemakers, a role that inherently includes managing both the physical and emotional needs of the family.
“Even as more women enter the workforce and gender roles evolve, these traditional expectations often persist,” she said. “Mental and emotional labour is largely invisible because it’s not tied to a specific, observable task like cleaning or cooking. It happens in the background, often unnoticed and unacknowledged, making it easy for others to overlook the effort involved.”
Another participant explained how from a young age, she and her sisters were conditioned to be caretakers, to be more attuned to the needs of others, and to take on the emotional burden of maintaining relationships.
“I realise that this led to us unconsciously accepting the unequal distribution of labour,” she said. “Growing up, the idea was reinforced that women should be the primary organisers and emotional caretakers in the families, leading to an imbalance that went unquestioned for years.”
Another participant explained how carrying the bulk of mental and emotional labour has led to her dealing with chronic stress, exhaustion, and burnout.
“I feel overwhelmed by the constant demands from my husband and children, and the lack of time for self-care,” she said.
Spaulding agreed that the constant mental load can contribute to anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. The pressure to manage everything perfectly can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and guilt.
She said strategies for redistribution of responsibility include having an open and honest conversation with partners about the mental and emotional labour each person is carrying.
“Use specific examples to illustrate the invisible tasks you manage daily,” she said, “Clearly express your needs and feelings regarding the current division of labour. This is not about assigning blame but about seeking a more equitable partnership.”
She said couples should also clearly define who is responsible for what tasks, and establish expectations for how and when these tasks should be completed. This can help prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both partners are contributing equally.
She said it’s also important for women to educate and advocate for and with each other — “then educate your partner and family members about the concept of mental and emotional labour”.
“Advocate for a more equitable distribution not only in your home, but also in your broader community and workplace,” she said. “If you have children, model equitable sharing of household responsibilities for them. This helps break the cycle of gendered expectations and promotes healthier relationships for future generations.”
