THIS IS A STRANGE PLACE – trust me. On the matter of The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee… people have asked me to ask, was there any celebration or observation here? If so, why wasn’t more made about it? Since we have not yet disengaged from the relationship with the Palace and moved on to republican status, we are still part of the family – or rather, the Realm, as protocol proclaims it. Loyal-Royalists are therefore disappointed that as far as they are concerned, we dissed the occasion.

Not so, says someone in the know. Things did happen and others are to come, but for whatever reason, the news has not made the expected public impact. The GG and his Lady jetted off to London to pay their respects in person and enjoy the celebrations. So much for that. On Monday gone, there was the ceremony of the “Lighting of the Beacon”, a joint exercise shared by the 16 countries across the globe which still regard HM The Q as Head of State.

The Jamaican ceremonies took place at the former Victoria Park, now St William Grant Park in downtown Kingston and were replicated in Montego Bay, Port Antonio and Seville Park, St Ann. Each beacon remained ignited for 24 hours. Similar ceremonies were held in the 15 other countries of the Commonwealth and the UK. The mystery was, why did so few of us here know about it?

Then someone asked me to find out if the British High Commission had given a reception last weekend to mark the Jubilee event. The response was No. Why? Because, said my informant, the Jamaican state takes precedence on an occasion like this. If there was to be a reception, it would have to be hosted by the state (aka the government). If there is another explanation, however, I would be glad to hear it. (You have to learn every lickle ting, yuh know.) A certain know-it-all says that it would have been tempting fate for the government to lay on a big reception, just days after telling poor people that they will have to face more hard times. Reasonable! But seriously, though, where are we in this monarchy business?

There is still no empirical evidence of how many Jamaicans want HM The Q to go, versus how many want her to stay. Confronted by the question, you will hear some people say: “Look how much more serious things we have to worry ’bout. If The Queen nuh trouble we, why we want to trouble her for?” There are others who have absolutely no doubt that “time come”.

Then we have the political difference about the government’s true intention. “Distraction” is a popular Opposition buzzword as well as “no way should we let go of The Queen and the Privy Council”. So, when will we get down to settling the issue, once and for all?

WHILE WE’RE TRYING to make up our minds “to Queen or not to Queen”, Jubilee celebrations in Britain have occupied attention not only here but in other places where millions watched on TV all the way around the globe. People have marvelled at the fortitude of a woman of 86 who stood on her own two feet for over four hours in the Thames River pageant on Sunday and walked other miles at the various other public events. The crowds, the parades, the concerts and dances in the streets were symptomatic of the way the Brits love their Royals, who have become a symbol of cohesion and continuity in their national life, even when things are not going well. Is our problem the fact that we have no strong symbol which welds us together?

We seem to be bound rather by some primordial fear that “any day name day” we cut loose from the Queen reigning over us, not only would we have disrespected her, we would have crossed some imaginary boundary into oblivion. We are reminded that if we really want to go “Queenless”, the government can do so by using the two-thirds majority in Parliament to change the situation… but do we really want to? Will the PM really act on her promise?

In a recent Sunday Observer column, Sir Ron Sanders, noted Caribbean diplomat, commented that to move away from the monarchy should not be interpreted as personal rejection of her. Someone else less famous commented that by not making a move towards being a republic, we’re only proving how little trust we have in ourselves. He cited the way we behave in Parliament as an example of how much more “growing up” we have to do.

ON WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON, the usual bickering was put aside as House and Senate came together to place on record a joint expression of goodwill towards the Monarch. As someone said: “Bad fe bad, the Queen don’t do WE anything. In fact, she and her family have been more than gracious. So, since we know manners, why shouldn’t we behave like civilised people?”

After the niceties about Her Majesty, it was back to “badniss” with the boys and girls aka parliamentarians of the Gordon House Junior Secondary/Primary and Basic School, behaving like “own-way pickney”. Apparently they’ve forgotten the strong disapproval which was expressed by the public not so long ago about the bickering, desk-thumping and word-throwing.

During the budget debate, it returned. Eventually, on Wednesday afternoon, the

the prime minister had to reprimand them, reminding that the public wanted to hear what was being said. A momentary pause followed and then the foolishness resumed from both sides of the aisle. Isn’t it time to grow up? If our leaders can’t be serious for something as critical as a budget debate, then what next?

STORM IN THE RUM BAR… and the Patty Shop. Hell’s a-popping now that white rum drinkers have come to discover that GCT could invade their comfort zone. Reports have been coming in from across the country of the leaps and bounds by which the price of “the whites” has gone up and the Society of Imbibers is not amused.

Some callers to RJR’s HOTLINE yesterday noticed that the “whites-men” were more concerned about the inflation in the price of their favourite form of sustenance than about food prices. It seems our politicians have forgotten how serious it is to mess with proof and overproof. That’s why I wonder why the tax wasn’t put on brandy, champagne, whisky, etc, the more “refined” waters which could survive a raise.

THEN, THERE’S THE PATTY STORM. That is another cultural icon you don’t mess with. Patty is more than poor people food. It is the very substance of our culinary well-being. The beef patty had been left undisturbed for the longest while, while chicken and other varieties stayed higher on the price list. (Classism even in the patty pan.) Now that beef has to move up… bangarang! Don’t take this for a joke! Don’t the politicians know that you don’t fool with patty? The consequences could be dire… Ah-oh!

gloudonb@yahoo.com