Manhood is melted into curtsies,

Valour into compliments,

And men are only turned into tongue,

And trim ones, too.

— Shakespeare ,
Much Ado About Nothing

How sad a state that must be, when a man’s manhood is melted down to a curtsy, his valour diminished, and the very man himself is turned into tongue, nothing but empty words, a bag-a-mout with no substance.

Unfortunately, that is what many men have become, courtesy of the women who they happen to get involved with. Sometimes it occurs overnight, very quickly, in a flash, but most times it’s a slow burn, a creeping river of molten lava that solidifies into hard rock after it cools down.

There is no turning back, no respite or reprieve from the insidious process of attrition, as the once mighty stallion who used to gallop the plains and run road has become nothing but a dray mule, a donkey, a jackass who is tethered to its master and has no spunk left, no vim, vigour, or vitality.

Have I painted too grim a picture, have I touched a raw nerve, hit too close to home? Well, forgive me if I rant, but I’m merely sharing and echoing the sentiments and experiences of countless men who have become emasculated and confided in me.

But pray tell, what does it mean to be emasculated? ‘Emasculated: A man deprived of his male role or identity, made weaker or less effective.’

We’ll reveal who fits that bill, right after we see what these folks had to say about ‘Why women leave’.

Teerob,

Yes, the cold harsh reality of a lost love relationship can be an awful experience. My advice to the men involved in such a situation, be happy about the good times you spent together and don’t live a lonely and lost life. A love relationship is sometimes like a battlefield and maybe yours was like an odd coupling. So despite the circumstances, take responsibility for yourself, but be careful how you recommit and moderate the choices you make the next time around. Be careful with your heart.

Paulette

Hi Tony,

Women leave for the strangest reasons, but the main ones are, when she feels neglected or when the money runs out. I always say, if she wants to go, let her go, and don’t beg her to stay. She’ll only lose more respect for you if she stays out of pity or a warped sense of obligation. The fact that she doesn’t want you anymore should be a sharp signal to you. Let the witch go, but don’t take her back.

Cedric

Many men who care deeply about women tend to do a lot for them, but sadly that can backfire. I’m sure that you’ve heard the term, ‘No good deed goes unpunished,’ well, the saying is true and applies in many relationships too, due to some strange reasons that often defy logic.

Many women are never satisfied with how much a man does for them. I’m not making this stuff up, for it’s been documented and chronicled for centuries countless times throughout history, in prose, poetry and even in song.

‘How can you leave me standing

Alone in a world that’s so cold

Maybe I’m just too demanding

Maybe I’m just like my father, too bold

Maybe you’re just like my mother

She’s never satisfied, she’s never satisfied.

— Prince,
When Doves Cry

So, because the man finds it so hard to please and satisfy her, she demands even more of him, wearing him down, whittling away at his ego, his psyche, his self-esteem, until he’s a broken man, totally emasculated.

With this emasculation comes servitude, and even though it’s common for people to attribute domination to males over females, there are numerous cases where the opposite is true. But it’s often a hidden secret, hardly spoken about and the history books won’t show it. It’s a secret born of shame and embarrassment.

The signs may be subtle, but the discerning eye will spot them, the man who is totally emasculated. Now, don’t get me wrong, nothing is wrong with a man catering to his woman and fulfilling her needs as best as he can. That’s how a man is supposed to treat his woman.

But when that olive branch of caring and helping turns into a tamarind switch or cat-o-nine in her hands, then that poor man is whipped and pummelled into emotional submission.

What are the signs of an emasculated man? Well, first of all, he can’t tell his woman no, whatever she says or demands, he hops to it like a kangaroo bounding across the plains in Australia. If she says ‘jump’, he asks ‘how high?’, if he even dares to ask.

You will see these men picking up after their wives, always cleaning the house, and spending more time in the kitchen than a caterer. This gives rise to the age old question, “Is who wear the pants in the house?” Some men may answer, “I wear the pants, but you don’t see it because the apron cover it.”

Again, I’m not saying that a man shouldn’t help his woman, but sometimes it goes too far, and it’s as if he’s trying too hard, just to please her and not get into her bad books. It’s like shovelling sand to stop the waves at the beach, an exercise in futility.

An emasculated man only does what his wife wants to do, and goes where she wants to go.

“Hey Patrick, how we can’t see you anymore?”

“Bwoy, I’m off the streets now, gave up everything and staying home.”

Remember, I mentioned that being emasculated is not necessarily a tangible thing, not something that you can touch or feel, unless, of course, the man is physically abused, that’s tangible emasculation. But there are subtle signs.

One is, when the man concedes leadership and decision-making to his wife. He simply cannot make any decision by himself, but turns everything over to his spouse. We have heard about the alpha male, but in this situation she becomes the alpha female, and he is cowed into submission. As the old saying goes, ‘He better toe the line.’

Interestingly, men who allow their emotions to dictate their actions may also be emasculated. The research says that a man should never allow his anger to dictate his actions. Those men led by emotions are more driven by how they feel than by what is right and honourable. The emasculated man may have so much pent up emotions that fuel his latent anger, making him eventually lash out one day.

In fact, the
Bible addresses this as in Job 18.3. God tells Job to, ‘gird your loins like a man and I will speak to you.’ Like a man. There is something to be said about acting manly.

Men who are not the spiritual leaders of their homes may very well be emasculated. For all intents and purposes he’s just a fixture in the house, but in reality, is de wife who run tings. As one man said to his friend, “I run my house, but you just run around your house.”

The emasculated man feels powerless and may feel embarrassed and ashamed of himself as a man. The ironic result is, he may desperately feel a need to prove his masculinity to others and especially to himself, or hide the fact that he sees himself as being inadequate.

At times this may be exhibited in acts of extreme violence, as he tries to prove to himself and to others that he’s a real man. I savour the irony. Perhaps some men achieve emasculation, others have it thrust upon them, while some are just born to be emasculated. Oh yes, some men move from one relationship to another, with the same recurring theme, emasculation.

One man cyan bad lucky suh, it defies the laws of averages and probability, that every relationship that he’s involved in results in him being emasculated. If you checked into his childhood you may see that from an early age he exhibited signs of submission and low self-esteem. So naturally, as he grows older, he subconsciously seeks out women who will fuel those weaknesses in him. Born to be emasculated.

There are other factors too, such as domineering and abusive mothers who constantly deride and denigrate their sons, resulting in them being used to a life of emasculation.

But should women be allowed to emasculate men without consequences? Well, there is a law in the USA that actually criminalises emasculation. I’m not sure if that exists in Jamaica. And even if it did, which man would step forward to report such an act?

“Sir, if you would kindly take off your leash from around your neck, remove your apron and stop crying, an officer will see to you shortly.”

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Jamaicans For Justice (JFJ) has earned the wrath, contempt and even disgust of many Jamaicans from all walks of life. Is this justified or not? Its most recent utterances about the high number of police killings have been met with backlash from both the police and from ordinary citizens, some in high places. What the JFJ has failed to address is the fact that the high number of police killings may be attributed to the high number of criminals shooting at the police. Naturally, if more gunmen engage the security forces, then more gunmen will get shot. That’s a logic that JFJ fails to put into the equation. Instead, the impression given is that the increased police shootings are due to other reasons. JFJ must address this and strike a balance. Justice must not only be done, it must appear to be done.